Text by Paul O'Connor, Dungeon Master
A barbarian wedding isn't like a regular wedding. There isn't a registry and there is no wedding party. Instead there is ...
... THE TEST OF STRENGTH! Blah rose to the challenge, contemptuously lifting a mighty stone over his head, and then for good measure flinging it at Isarr Kronenstrom, the cannibal Wolf Tribe Chief who persisted in taunting Blah for being half an orc. Even a second challenge to lift an even heavier stone -- this time frozen by Sha-Ga's magics, was passed easily by the future king of the Reghed Barbarians, though he left more than a little skin on the stone. Huzzah
... THE TEST OF SONG! Who better than Khostov and his ever-potent Pipes of Fear. Cannily shaping his enchantment so it affected only the sneering members of the Wolf Tribe, Khostov Cross-Eyed Mary'd the pack off the wedding stage. After some drinking, there followed a vocal performance ... but by this time the crowd was thoroughly won over to the heroes' side. Huzzah, Huzzah!
... THE TEST OF COURAGE! The crowd went wild when Arthur the halfling fearlessly strode forward to meet the Test of Courage. Cries of "Wee Man! Wee Man!" reverberated through the assembled barbarian host, even taken up by those few members of the Wolf Tribe who had not fled the sacred grounds. A moan went up from the Rider Sisters when they saw the test their lover was to face -- a tall, thin man with muscles like strips of beef jerky stretched over a bony frame. "The test is passed!" they cried. "Don't make him fight!" But Arthur was heedless, bearing in on the man and cutting him good, though the wound scarcely bled. "End the test!" the Rider Sisters again implored, and Queen Bjornhild agreed that the fight might end. She, like the rest of the tribe, had been won over, and they saw no sense in hurting the brave little man. But Arthur was having none of it, he would see the thing to the end ... even after the man tore off his outer skin, and emerged as a mighty werebear! Arthur scarcely paused, tumbling between the beast's legs and cutting at will. Like lightning the halfling enveloped the were in a tornado of steel, cutting and slashing and avoid the worst of the bear's mighty claw swipes. In less time than it takes to relate, the bear took a knee, signaling the contest's end, and the crowd rushed the stage, tossing their little champion into the sky in their joy.
Then followed the marriage of Blah and Bjornhild, beneath the driving snowflake blessings of the goddess Auril Frostmaiden. If Blah had second thoughts after hearing Bjornhild say that the united barbarian tribes would demand tribute of the Ten Towns, then ride south to sack Waterdeep ... well, that was a problem for another day. For now there was a bride to kiss and a wedding night to celebrate.
(Here followed much drinking and frolicking for all).
And in the morning, the party was crashed by an exhausted rider dispatched from Bryn Shander -- come quick, the giants have besieged the city!
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